TWO RETURN TICKETS TO PADDINGTON Roy & Celia Heatley

So here we are in late 2005, planning next year’s cruising.

A week long cruise earlier in the year with Dorothy and Alan had gone well. I had been able to rearrange my counselling practice OK and Celia is retired so she had a greater freedom of choice. Let’s do it again but because of the poor weather in May 2005 perhaps June or September?  To major on our earlier week’s success, this time  we agreed a month long cruise in June to Stratford, Rivers Avon and Severn, Birmingham and home.

All agreed? - Yes! - Job done then? Well no! As it turns out….

Both our daughter and son who apparently have no regard for the narrow boat cruising season then announce at Christmas that they are BOTH expecting babies in July - right in the middle of said cruising season. Unreasonable or what? These things can now be planned you know!

This leads to a dramatic rethink of 2006. Can we reasonably go away in June? Probably not - I have a healthy/ (unhealthy?) regard for the Law according to Sod - (the greater the inconvenience potential the more likely the event is to happen, but you know this dear reader, because you own a narrow boat) - so we revert to May and September. Unfortunately Dorothy and Alan cannot change to May so we agree separate cruises in May doing the ring as mentioned above and then a joint London return trip in September 2006. Job done.

Our trip in May was successful and the weather was changeable as in 2005 but we looked forward to September and a repeat of 2005 weather - which it did - with knobs on as it turned out.

The beginning to the September cast-off from the marina to start our cruise was not auspicious. Our road journey from Norwich to the marina took nearly four and a half hours instead of the usual two and a quarter because of a broken down lorry on the A14. Then, Celia’s sister was meeting us at the marina that evening to exchange some stuff and was unaccountably delayed for two hours and we eventually fell into bed at midnight exhausted rather than pleasantly tired. To add to our troubles when we woke up in the morning and pressed the start button on the Eberspacher for hot water and soothing showers, nothing happened. And finally one of Dorothy’s two dogs was decidedly under the weather and needed to see a vet pdq.

At least the sun was shining.

Later, on the telephone the heating engineer said it was my lucky day (!) because he was in the area. He quickly replaced a worn out glow plug (five years strenuous service is good), Dorothy’s dog was diagnosed as just ‘being under the weather‘, supplied with appropriate medication and we cast off only two hours later than we had originally planned.

(As a by the by, both mothers had delivered healthy babies on time in July and all are doing very well.)

To begin with we tread a familiar path. Crick tunnel, Watford flight, Norton junction turn left down the Buckby flight and moor up for the inevitable visit to the chandlery at the bottom lock for some bits and pieces and on to Weedon for a first night stop. Saturday dawns with large grey clouds, heavy rain and gusting wind plus there are in excess of 600 anglers taking part in a national competition and they will stretch we are told, for miles to Yardley Gobian - on balance not a good day to be cruising. So we agree to moor up for the day and perhaps go for a walk later on when the weather has hopefully improved and all the fishermen have gone home. Unfortunately we failed to check on what Alan and Dorothy‘s ‘going for a walk’ meant and it turned out to be a brisk five miles around Weedon - it actually felt like a tour of Northamptonshire but no matter we were ready for food and drink on our return.

And then later that evening, Celia and I were in the saloon, a glass or two around us, subdued light and two good books. The evening was mild so the galley side doors were open, we were in deep countryside and it was about 9.30pm so it was pitch black outside - and all was very peaceful. But then there was a strange knocking four or five times on the side of the boat at which we froze both thinking ‘What the hell was that?’ and as if in response to our unspoken questions the knocking was repeated once more.

I suppose when you moor up somewhere remote there is always the possibility that Freddy Kruger could descend out of the blue but generally speaking there is safety being within a strong metal box that is a modern narrow boat and the worse that can happen is that some kind person will set you adrift “just for a laugh”

Anyway this situation moved on when a remote female voice said “Could we talk to you about your washing machine?” (Explanation: our washing machine is dead opposite the open side door and seems to promote more questions and discussion with folks on the bank than anything else on our boat. This situation is obviously continuing).

Well, talk about relief!  We saw two young people outside the side door looking intently at our washing machine. Apparently, they were fitting out their boat and wanted some practical input. A surreal experience but actually quite normal in boating terms we have found over the years. It did however take some time for our hearts to resume normal rhythms.

And so on to Gayton junction where the canal divides and an arm sprints off to Northampton. A busy little place is Gayton junction with linear moorings both sides in a relatively narrow section, a BW water point a little distance into the Northampton arm of the junction, water point moorings just for two medium sized boats and always a wind no matter what the weather. Actually it was very windy that day and unfortunately we both needed to take on water. By arrangement I was leading and moored without incident. Have you ever cruised with another boat and been the second boat? I have, and always seem to cop trouble and so it was time after time for Alan on this month long cruise. Here was the first instance of many.

After I tied up, a hire boat hove into view from the left going north towards Alan and Dorothy who were coming from the right. Oh dear! - panic on both sides. The following wind was making it difficult for Alan to manoeuvre; the hire boat was freshly out of the marina with a crew that had started to celebrate their cruise early in the day, had little experience of how to operate their boat and did not know where they wanted to go anyway - except to the next pub. They both turned into the arm - Alan because that is where he wanted to go and the hire boat because that is where they thought they wanted to go - wrong! There was much shouting on both boats but no one could hear properly because of the gusting wind and inevitably there was a full speed coming together, the hire boat hitting Dorothy May fairly hard amidships but at the same time successfully bringing both boats to a standstill. Alan then was, by chance, in the right position to take up his mooring and the hire boat skipper said “sorry mate” asked about the whereabouts of the next pub and continued on his blissful way. No real damage done.

On with the cruise and that night we stopped at Stoke Bruerne - to our amazement were able to find two spaces quite easily. We had a relaxed time talking to various gongoozlers on the towpath because it is a bit of a hotspot, turned in for the night and set off next morning for the flight of locks awaiting us. Fortunately, it was a Monday morning so fewer people around compared to a weekend but still it is not a place to cock up. We didn’t, fortunately

Out came the lock wheeling bikes for Dorothy and me and we arrived at the bottom lock without incident to discover old friends Paul and Jean Morris liveaboards on ‘Enchantress’ moored at the bottom lock and preparing to venture north once again. Naturally, no opportunity is lost to chew over the cud with old friends and we spent a pleasant time drinking tea and eating biscuits whilst taking on water. The Morris’s are experienced cruisers and we took this opportunity to also take advice on where to moor etc on our southward journey particularly in and around London. Paul and Jean are not the type to scare you with frightening tales but tell it how it is, so we listened with intent. Their advice would prove to be invaluable.

So on to Cosgrove (Monday) where there are superb visitor moorings. It was early afternoon with warm sun so we went for a stroll and found, close by, an excellent mobile caravan park. Thinks! We could do with one or two things for the larder and an ice cream would not be out of place so is there a shop? Yes there is! Very friendly Reception staff directed us to the shop and we walked through a very beautifully managed and long established site complete with a large lake and fountain. Superb.

Next day we cruised through Milton Keynes which despite being a built-up area is surprisingly green and pleasant to cruise through - and lock free!-, and then on to an early afternoon mooring on Tuesday afternoon at Fenny Stratford, again with attractive visitor moorings. We met some New Zealanders who were cruising the system in their own boat. Fenny Stratford is also one of the potential sites where a proposed new canal link from the river Gt. Ouse at Bedford may join the Grand Union.

Bulk and fresh provisions were now also getting low now so on Wednesday we stopped at the great god Tesco at Leighton Buzzard where there are two hour moorings next to the store itself. Result. Then in the afternoon after struggling several times to find enough water under us for level moorings we stopped just above Slapton lock. A really delightful mooring. We were not far away from another live aboard cruising the system who caught a magnificent Carp weighing I would think at least ten pounds or so. Good end to a great day. I had also spotted an entry in the Nicholson guide about a micro brewery in the nearby village of Slapton and wanted to visit if at all possible. Timing was not quite right today but perhaps on the return journey? What a fool’s errand that turned out to be.

We had never been this far south on the Grand Union before and were knocked out by the continuing stunning scenery which continued all the way to London. It is really amazing and includes the Dunstable Downs chalk lion sculpted into the hillside. Really terrific.

It is now Thursday, completion of the first week of four and we are now approaching Marsworth and the Tring summit. There had been lots of Chinese whispers and much sucking of teeth by some at Crick when we told them where we were intending to cruise. Comments such as “there’s no water at Tring” and” You’ll have no place to moor because there’s no water” to a very definite “the summit’s closed because there is no water”. Well there seemed to be water OK. We moored up between the Marsworth first and second locks at again excellent visitor moorings adjacent to the reservoirs. We also had a visit from Hazel who was BW’s mooring representative who left us a welcome note with various contact details in case of need. In other words we were really made to feel welcome and no mention of the water situation except to conserve it at all times. Not unreasonable.

Next morning we had a slight run-in with several hire boats on a training exercise (?) which seemed to consist of lots of young foreign men running about in high states of excitement, waving windlasses about and opening all paddles in the locks together to see how fast they could get through. Now call me old fashioned but this is fraught with potential danger especially when you see the boats in the lock really being thrown about not to mentioned damage to machinery when used/abused in this way. Dorothy took action and telephoned the boat company to complain and Celia shouted “Oi! pipe down and behave!” It seemed to have worked. Celia got an apology from a very attractive (so she said) bronzed and muscular young Mediterranean man with flowing black locks who turned on the charm from the opposite bank and apologised for the trouble they had caused. So that’s all right then. Certainly when we saw these boats again their crews were much subdued.

So we are now on the incredibly beautiful Tring summit and life was a joy.

But now down to more mundane matters - we both needed pump outs! And perhaps a top-up of fuel. On to Cowroast marina. A nice little challenge here to break up things a little with a 90 degree turn into the marina (actually I could not see any advance notice of the marina entrance so it was a sudden 90 degree turn!) then a 90 degree right turn to come alongside the services area - except there was a boat already alongside with the owner doing some grinding prior to painting. This meant some extra manoeuvring - as I said above, an extra challenge to break things up a bit but I could feel the panic rising from the Dorothy May helm.  I was right, there was panic in the air but with a bit of controlled comings and goings all services were completed without too much shouting - even if the pump out hose was long enough and the diesel hose was not at certain times.

It was about now that Alan asked me if it was my secret policy to get him to do things boating wise that he had never done before? What me? As if!! This now became a daily question at cast off every morning, all taken in good part of course by us both for the whole cruise.

Next was Berkhamsted and we moored just above the first lock at Dudswell lock which was very pleasant. Then next day we began the long descent through Berkhamsted which was very attractive. We had excellent fish and chips for lunch at the Fishery Inn, Hemel Hempstead which we needed after doing 18 locks. Dorothy and I had a good lock wheeling system using the bikes which involved me going ahead to set up as far as possible. One chap walking along the towpath at about the same pace as we were making did wonder if I ever travelled on the boat. I said that it was not my turn that day.

Through Rickmansworth and we moored just below Stockers Lock opposite a working farm with glorious late summer sun and a warm breeze. Just the right opportunity to watch the sun go down with a few sundowners which we did to the tune of two bottles worth. We slept well that night.

Now that we were approaching London it was time to heed Paul Morris’ advice which was to moor up at Bulls Bridge and then motor into Little Venice the next day. And this we did. We moored just inside the turn into the Paddington Arm and opposite some residential moorings - not the quietest, there was a 24 hour factory with accompanying floodlighting but it was secure and as it turned out the only practical moorings for some miles to come.

So next day we set off for the Paddington Basin, not quite sure what to expect. We had not heard any Chinese whispers about London problems - and there were none. Yes the landscape had altered and was typically inner city. There were copious amounts of graffiti, and groups of furtive-looking young men avoiding eye contact but despite there being good numbers of pedestrians no one really took any notice of us at all. Going over the North Circular aqueduct was an experience - the cut actually divides into two islands the whole length of said aqueduct - but our passage was uneventful and we cruised into Little Venice mid afternoon. No locks on this section means a quick passage.

So a fill of water at the excellent BW station and again, taking Paul Morris’ advice we turned right into Paddington Basin which as he said appears to come to a premature end without any moorings “but keep going” he said “and the basin turns left at the end and there are plenty of places to moor up”. He was right - of course he was he had just done this cruise. The whole area opened up with magnificent and new tall buildings to our right, various wide beam boats which we had earlier read about double as offices, and plenty of moorings. So we made a choice with room for two, winded, tied up and turned off the engine. After a leisurely cruise of net 10/11 days we had arrived and could spend up to seven days mooring free in the centre of London. Beat that.

The location is really terrific for all your immediate needs. In the first place, the great god Tesco has an Express at the end of the basin and Marks and Spencer’s Baker Street shop was only five minutes away so the larder was taken care of. Then there are pubs and bars only in the next street for any drinks and if you fell ill then St Mary’s Hospital was all around us. Finally transport links are next door in the shape of Paddington main line and Underground stations. For more basic needs such as water and pump out, then it is but five minutes by boat to the BW station at Little Venice.

Mind you there is a stark difference between Little Venice and the basin because LV has been there for some time of course and has acquired a patina and charm of its own whereas the basin is very new and quite stark. But it does have some nice features including life size sculptures of two men just into the turn and these are so life-like that Celia actually waved to them as we passed by. She will talk and be friendly to anyone!

So what to do? There was so much to choose from. Wednesday was a busman’s holiday of a sort because we took a ride on the Waterbus from LV to Camden Lock. From there we walked to the London Canal Museum which was interminably “just around the next corner” according to Celia as we strode along the towpath but in essence took just half an hour’s purposeful walking. The museum is worth a visit and all through our week’s stay we all were able to maximise on our positions as senior citizens and save shed loads of money on entrance fees and fares. The LCM being no exception. At Camden lock waiting for the return Waterbus we had the most glorious mug of tea and toasted sandwich for just three pounds fifty the two A real bargain at London prices.

Thursday was a Tube ride to the Victoria and Albert Museum which also had a terrific café but we found the museum itself a bit disappointing.

Friday was possibly the best day - we went to the Globe Theatre for a bit of culture and got more of that than we bargained for. We took a guided tour and discovered that there was a buy one and get one free ticket offer for that afternoon’s performance of Antony and Cleopatra. Both of us couples wanted to stay but were a bit reluctant to suggest it to the other. But then we found out that we all did want to stay for the performance anyway. We were glad we did - we cannot pretend to have followed it all but the acting and actors were outstanding especially Frances Barber as Cleopatra.

Saturday we walked to Hyde Park (about ten minutes away) to see the Diana Memorial we had heard so much about and to give Sam and Freddy, Dorothy and Alan’s two dogs a chance to stretch their legs. As a side issue I have to inform you that D & A are scrupulous in clearing up after their dogs but after a time it did become clear that Sam is very ‘regular’ in his habits and we had to give him a special name as a result. Now you must have heard of ‘Johnny-two-jags‘, well for obvious reasons we would now like to introduce you to ’Sammy-two-sh*ts’!

 I feel that I must now issue a health warning about the ice cream at the Hyde Park café. There we were queuing up to buy four ice creams. The normal procedure is to choose your ice creams from the wide selection on offer, pay for them then take a seat to enjoy the experience. Not so at this café - you had to pay first! After that confusion was sorted and being in holiday mode we chose two scoops in a cone. Again wrong decision! In fact the word ‘scoops’ is inappropriate more like bucket size would have fitted the bill. You see the young (foreign) man serving just did not know when to stop scooping and we ended up with two football sized scoops of ice cream on top of a ridiculously small cone. I have never seen four adults in such a mess as now. But the ice creams were delicious and we needed no further food that day.

There was something about that Friday because Celia was re-christened that day as follows. We were on the Underground which was fairly full and Celia had not managed to find a seat. Then to her surprise and delight a nice young man gave up his seat and she sat down rather pleased with the world - which was somewhat dampened when Dorothy very kindly pointed out the label stuck to the window behind the seat. It said “Please give up this seat to elderly passengers at busy times” So Celia is now officially OLD.

I also encountered a re-labelling the following morning. The previous Friday evening Strange Magic was taken for water and a pump out at the BW station and this involved motoring to the bridge and reversing through for the pump out - our pump out is located on the starboard side. No problem on a Friday evening but there was not enough light to do the same for Dorothy May. Alan was a bit wary doing the same manoeuvre on a Saturday so I said I would do it. No problem - or so I thought. As I winded to reverse into the bridge hole I saw a trip boat coming along towards us so I completed the turn and waited for them to come through. So far so good. Now, I was waiting on the right side of the canal (although admittedly facing the ‘wrong’ way) with plenty of room for the trip boat (NOT Jason’s) to come through on his right or so I thought. He was actually aiming to pass between me and a moored houseboat but all the time the gap was getting narrower and narrower every second because of drift and breeze. Someway through the bridge hole he realised the situation and abruptly changed course to go to his right around me after all. I should mention that he was going at no mean speed and he had a full load of passengers. Inevitably he clouted the bridge hole towpath pretty hard, then shouted something to someone down below, who then popped her head through the side door to shout “Wanker!” at me. I was a bit miffed to say the least especially as I had been trying to be as considerate as I could, so I asked (I really did ask) what I had done to deserve the insult. She had clearly not seen what had happened and was just relaying on information from the helm who had clearly cocked up in front of a boat load of paying customers, so I became the object of his embarrassment. She was stumped for words in reply - probably expecting some insult in retort which did not happen - and after a few seconds said with ill found grace “Oh have a nice day” A charming incident and the only one for the whole month and it has to come from a supposed professional boatman.

At least my christening was not confirmed by anyone else - but Celia’s was.

Later that evening we were sitting at the stern and watching the world go by as you do and a pair of working boats came down to wind at the bottom of the basin. A young cultured and well dressed couple were in charge. On the way back he commented to Celia that it was very busy in the basin (all the moorings were taken) and she helpfully explained that this was the weekend of the Mayor of London’s celebrations and that the Scissor Sisters were playing a free gig in Trafalgar Square so perhaps people were going to these celebrations. Quick as a flash he asked “Do you know who the Scissor Sisters are then?” She does actually and not to be outdone shouted back “Bloody cheek! Yes I do. I already have their first CD, expect to get their new one which is out shortly and I also know about Puccini, Beethoven, Mahler and a few others as well!’ - but the point had been made. For the second time in two days Celia had been judged as OLD.

On Monday our seven free days were up and we reluctantly cast off at the usual appointed time of 9.00am. We were thoroughly impressed by the new Paddington Basin. Already there is a Starbucks, a bar, a couple of restaurants and a couple of restaurant trip boats that came to wind each evening in the basin about 10 pm. There is a security patrol throughout the day and CCTV at night and they introduced themselves to us when we first arrived and made us feel welcome. OK the basin does not have the charm of Little Venice but it is a good contrast and will need time to settle in and mature. Also there is still some building to be done. It is rather comforting in some way to be surrounded by tall buildings 10 and 12 stories high - one of them is Marks and Spencer’s new head office - and watch others earnestly working while you sit on the bank and drink wine and nibbles. It’s a hard life.

So to the return journey and our adventures continue to unfold. I acquire a new handle and  was accused by Celia of being a Casanova of the locks - well you do have to speak to fellow lock wheelers don’t you? Especially if they are attractive and female. I did wonder why a number of male partners found it difficult to speak to me as I passed by on the bike to the next lock. Dorothy was much kinder and called it my charm offensive - especially useful when waiting beside a prepared lock with a downstream boat and ours are nowhere in sight.

On shopping again at Leyton Buzzard we encountered a lovesick goose, lovesick that is for himself - he kept talking to his reflection in boat cabin windows from the towpath.

But once again, mundane matters were pressing by this time and a pump out was due for both boats. The Wyvern Shipping Co looked favourite because it also had a winding hole so that we could present ourselves to the right side BUT they were closed - on a Sunday!

So we researched the guide and yes, there was a boatyard a couple of hours cruising away but on the wrong side of the cut and with no winding hole. Alan is already beginning to panic (you will be used to this by now if you have been following the plot so far) but agrees to the plan. I telephone ahead and yes, glory be, they are open.

En route we pass through the Soulbury Three and although time is not necessarily of the essence we cannot be doing with too much of a delay because we do want to get to the boatyard before 5.30pm closing time. Unfortunately we have the slowest pair of boats in front of us. One is a single hander and the other might as well be because the female on the boat just does nothing whilst he is on the bank doing the paddles and then has to jump back on to work the boat through the locks. After some frustrating delays, St Celia of the locks says “Right that’s enough. Give me a windlass” Strangely enough progress speeded up significantly after that. She can be very persuasive when she has a mind to and everybody does what they are told seemingly without question.(Actually there is no opportunity to ask a question when Celia is in charge. Very formidable at times.)

Eventually we arrive at the boatyard and there is a boat taking on diesel so we hover midstream. Because of the wait and the need to hover, Alan’s panic starts to go nuclear and Dorothy is not far behind - not because she is apprehensive of the situation, more a concern for Alan’s blood pressure.

The other boat motors away and then we slide in with a suggestion to Alan that he breasts up. Which he does perfectly - so why the panic? The man at the pumps then turns out to be a comedian because he first asks if I was the person who telephoned earlier about pump outs? Yes was the reply. Oh sorry he says, it’s broken!! Just in time I saw that he was smiling broadly and admitted there and then that it was a wind up. Phew! I secretly think he somehow had read Alan’s panic and was just having a bit of fun. Some fun,  but he turned out to be a great support in a potentially difficult situation because the pump out hose had to be passed over the roof of our boat to the outlet, I had to balance with a foot on each gunnel and manage the hose without getting covered in great loads of liquid you know what. This was successful and then we changed round so that the same process could be repeated for Dorothy May - but not before more panics from you-know-who. In the event we give ten out of ten to Willowbridge Marina at Bletchley for friendly, attentive and interested service. We shall call there again whenever possible.

An opportunity to extend Alan’s boating expertise came in Hemel Hempstead when I spied a working boat selling fuel at 49p a litre an opportunity too good to miss so I decided to pull alongside. I was certainly tricky because there was a strong wind blowing along the cut which made manoeuvring pretty difficult. Alan had the option of mooring or hovering and chose to hover - unfortunately the wrong decision because he was all over the place AND not his fault - the wind was very tricky. Strangely enough he did not talk to me for a little while afterwards - I wonder why?

When we arrived once again at Slapton lock, it gave us the chance to now visit the micro brewery at Slapton village and take on some brewery products from the accompanying shop. Also we decided to eat at the pub and combine objectives. Strange isn’t it, the difference between objectives and reality because it turns out that there is no brewery, has never been a brewery despite Nicholson’s guide saying so and as a result, we came away empty handed. The meal was OK though.

At Cosgrove we met old friends Stuart and Lynette who we met two years ago on the Thames. They have one of Jonathon’s boats “Gypsy Emma” which they bought second hand a little while ago. They were travelling about for a couple of weeks and we spent a pleasant time swapping stories and experiences as you do. We would see them again at Weedon when they caught us up but not before we had encouraged them to join the WTNBC!

At Marsworth the heavens opened up big time and we moored up early that day. Celia took the opportunity later that afternoon to buy some presents - peg dolls and a decorated flat iron, etc - from a chap who has a workshop alongside the cut painting and producing canalia goods. They are really good and do not cost the earth. Presents situation for grandchildren sorted at a stroke.

So back through Stoke Bruerne where there was a very enthusiastic group of school kids absolutely brimming over with energy and desire to help with the lock at the museum - where do they get their energy - and where was the teacher? And then back to Crick on Thursday after a two night stay at Weedon to soak up some spare time.

In conclusion I have to say that this has been a very successful cruise. We had the excellent company of Dorothy and Alan who kept us up to speed - literally at times - but wanted, as we did, their private time during each evening. Both boats behaved impeccably throughout and drew countless admiring comments and glances. The weather was sunny and warm for all but two days of the month, the scenery was absolutely beautiful - even inner London has its own charm, and we had the adventure of exploring somewhere we had not been before. This, I think, is the secret of boating for us - we love the adventure that unfolds every time we cast off even if it is in familiar waters. I read a quotation in the newspaper the other day from Lord Baden-Powell who founded the Scout movement and he said “Life without adventure can be very dull” Quite. There were times  when cruising through green and pleasant land that I thought that I had died and gone to heaven it was so blissful.

Long may it continue.