The Angry Column Started in the winter issue TillerTalk 2008.

You might find some of the contents herein slightly controversial, even irritating. But this being the original land of free speech, the contributor has the right to his opinions, which may, or may not, be those held by anyone else at WTNBC.

There are now eight items;

 

Southern fees go West

 

If you thought there were too many unlicensed craft around in the midlands and the north, take a summer cruise around the south as I am doing. Believe me, you will be in for a surprise, you feel like putting the flags out when you find one that is licensed! Maybe the hard pressed BW ought to pay genuine boaters a fee for sending in photos with the time, the place, and the name, assuming it carries one, of unlicensed boats we see around the southern section. It really is a problem down there. They say the south is prosperous, and it probably is, but then I would be too if I didn't have to pay my way. So, to those boaters south of Watford, and you know who you are, put your hands in your pockets and pay for the facilities you use and enjoy!

 

Selective Campaigning  

No sooner had I put down my pen about the southern license dodgers,  I learn David  Suchett has now joined the campaign against selling off the lock keepers houses on the Thames. Where were all these eminant celebrities when, not only the lock keepers houses on the Trent went for a burton, but making the locks themselves self operated during weekdays was put on the agenda? Answer, no where! Makes you think doesn't it. 

 

Bothered at Boston

I have just got back to the boat which for the past few days has been moored at Boston. What an eye opener! I walked to the town centre to the market, which I always remember with much affection from previous visits over 15 years ago. It's somewhat different now. I thought I was in another country, no one I passed, with the exception of an elderly couple, who looked as bemused as myself at the state of it all, spoke English. OK. I suppose being politically correct one should not even mention these things, but come on, someone has to say something critical if only for the sake of this wonderful old country of ours. This has to be all wrong. I even saw a load of these foreign gentlemen who were obviously the worse for drugs or drink leaning menacingly over a boat manned by a couple of senior citizens who were terrified by it all. This must, I thought be a regular occurrence but where were the stalwarts of our society, the police while all this was taking place? Sat somewhere safe and sound and possibly, due to their hurt feelings about their low pay deal, not giving a damn for the plight of the people who moor at this once fine location. I say that with some authority. I asked the elderly couple, after remonstrating with the Eastern bloc representatives on their behalf, if they had phoned the police, they said they had, three hours ago, but no one had been to them. What a state we are in!

I, as you might imagine, have the answer to the entire smart stock replies authorities trot out when justifying the presence of these, 'Only here for the money migrants.'

They say; we can’t get people to fill some of the jobs these guys accept. Rubbish!

We have a regular supply of home grown workers languishing in our jails playing computer games, pool, darts, and in their spare time watching TV. Do what they do in the States and put them in a chain gang. Make them give back something to the community they have been leeching from over the years. There's another beneficial spin off to this because it would at the same time have the effect of freeing up more places in our overcrowded jails. Why? Because we could have them doing shift work which would mean they could share beds 24 / 7.

So now we have cured the problem of not only the overcrowding of our prisons we have made them less attractive to the holiday maker's, er sorry, inmates, and we have got rid of the need for migrant workers at the same time.

They Say; these poor people are running from oppression!

Yes, running so fast they don’t stop until they have run right through Germany, France, Belgium and anywhere else between Blighty and where they ran from!

What’s this got to do with boating? Everything, they are as you know even making narrowboats in Poland these days. Fortunately though, those same boats make the late Sam Springers boats look absolutely fabulous!

 

Am I Bitter?

Red diesel. The last straw. Our reasonbly priced fuel is going, going, gone. Not our fault says good old Gordon, via his little darling, Alistair. It's down to the Europeans! Bull...t!

Belgium appear to be hanging on to the stuff, but then again they would. They are, after all, and by default, the new masters of Europe. So they can do just what they like thank you very much. Strikes me anyone can if they just stand up against something they don't like, they all appear to do just that from time to time. All that is, but us. The French with their "non", the Germans with ther "Nein", and the Spanish, oh yes the Spanish, their fishing fleet wont be running on full price diesel, you can bet your last glass of sangria on that one! So dont forget to vote come May. Let 'em know just how you feel about it all! They vote themselves great pay deals, they have fantastic, running in megabucks, furnishing allowanaces, and that's before they start finding spurious well paid jobs for their offspring and wives. You bet I'm bitter!

 

BW = Bumbling Wallys, or something even more appropriate for the W

BW have earmarked £20.000 for anglers. The money this time will pay for 114 angling platforms between Heck Bridge and New Bridge on ther Aire and Calder navigation. A new 300 metre square car park and a pedestrian ramp are also part of the deal. Furthermore, it will all be done quickly, it's being scheduled for completion by April 2008. Lets be fair, even though our licence fees are set to rise in April by 8.3%, we should congratulate BW for the handing out of our cash to those cheery chappies who, as you cruise past, act as if the last thing they expected to see on a navigation was a boat, seldom, if ever smile, exhibit a pained expression on contact with anyone not daft enough to sit on their arses doing sod all but stare at a float all day, pay damn all toward the upkeep of said waterways, leave rubbish for strollers to fall over, line for wildfowl to strangle themselves on. Intentionally make passing by, by water or foot, if you can get past their tackle that is, a completely unpleasent experience. So, well done BW. You have once again proved, when it comes to PR with your biggest contributers, you couldn't run a proverbial in a brewery!

 

BW THINK TANKS

The great BW office bound think tank is at it again. This time they are toying, and in reality it's more than just toying, with the idea of making the non tidal Trent locks, Tuesdays to Thursdays inclusive, self operated.

That brainwave would leave them manned only at weekends. Talk about going against your own policy, not to mention risk assessments. Let’s take a look at what BW has to say we should do when using the Trent locks at the moment,

They say; ‘When using the lock boats must be attached fore and aft’.

Who will be on hand to see this is carried out when the lockie is missing?

You can see the potential for battles when, for instance a boater, tied opposite, notices a boat he is sharing the lock with is only attached at the stern. Common sense I hear you say!

How about if you are single handing? Not quite so easy or straight forward is it?

Being retired I, where ever possible, try to avoid using the Trent at the weekends my reasoning being, less boats and fewer fishermen about there is no rush to find a mooring at the few there are available, and it just feels more laid back.

You have to ask the question. What price a life? Yes I know the self same locks are worked by boaters during lunch breaks and after hours, but those who do so are, in the main, experienced crews who know what they are doing.

Can you imagine the potential for problems the inexperienced will be faced with every single mid week, should the camel designers at BW have their way? All this talk just proves a view I have always held and that is, BW office staff are generally not chosen for their knowledge of the waterways, it’s just human nature I suppose, you wouldn’t want one of your subordinates knowing more about the job you manage than you do would you?

Need I say more? Michael.

 

THE GREAT DIVIDE;

One thing above all else becomes more noticeable as time goes by. Narrowboat owners, in the main, fall in to just two, maybe three categories. The new shiny boats so despised by Canalboat columnist ‘Steve Haywood’ are in the main in the ownership of the more elderly boater, fair reflection, you only have to look around the average boat club to notice there isn’t the young blood there once was. But, to read some of Haywood’s wittering, you could be forgiven for drawing the conclusion that a shiny boat = a new to the waterway older person, with little or no boating experience. While the rough looking, bumped about like a dodgem older craft is, by definition, in the hands of a really adept and experienced younger type of boater. Cobblers!

So Mr. Haywood, having resisted your “designed to stir up debate’ load of the aforementioned cobblers up until now I have decided, in the spirit of the festive season, to play along and join in your childish, or should I say ‘jealous’ rantings.

First and foremost, many of the shiny boat brigade have gone through the ranks of cruising around in the odd piece of junk purely in order to build up to the proudly presented boat you see them cruising around in today. Others are retired from a life working at sea, or even just a lifetime’s hobby of sailing the seas. In fact before submitting this article I spoke with the editor of TillerTalk ‘Dave’ to make sure I wouldn’t offend anyone with my offering, he said “Hell no!” I know that Dave, as do I, (spanning many, many years,) falls in to the sailing the seas as a hobby category. Here I could rest my case Mr. Haywood. But I won’t!

The young new comers to our waterways these days are in the main ‘live boards’ and, let’s be honest here, they are not there because of any love for the canals, they are there because they have to be and, in the main, they are turning some erstwhile delightful moorings in to something that would have made a Dickensian Doss house look good by comparison. However they do satisfy Haywood’s dream of a drab, “don’t ever polish yer’ brasses mate” ideal world of what a narrowboat of the 2000s should look like. You wonder what the folk of old who actually worked the system with their painted boats would have made of his shiny boats comments.

I mentioned there was a third category, and there is; that of the upwardly mobile, wealthy young families who, having hired boats in the past decide to buy. These are the ones to be actively encouraged and welcomed on to the system just as, and this might be a little controversial for some, should hire boaters. Yes the hire boaters! Let’s face it, if they enjoy the experience they might just be the next generation of owners and it’s to the benefit of us all if they do. So treat them with kind regard the next time one of them holds you up working their first lock. We all started somewhere! So there you go, that’s my first attempt at writing to TillerTalk Dave has asked me to send in more offerings in the future which I intend to do.

BW GET £50MILLION GRANT

Don’t all cheer at once! It's already earmarked for improving nearly 80 sections of towpath for...Wait for it.............Bikers!

I know it’s a world of live and let live, but why oh why, when the main sponsors of the network; Boaters, year in year out, not only have a fat nought spent on their behalf , they will now have to put up with a constant shattering of the peace every time a cycle hurtles, and hurtle is what they do when a towpath has been sacrificed to them. I say sacrificed because the other side of the same coin, and a fair question to ask is; Just how many of the, happy to abuse the facility cyclists will pay for the privilege Anyone cruising the lower end of the Staffs & Worcester will know just what I mean about abuse of the towpath by the aforementioned. In fact it is so serious, even the guy mentioned in my first article above, Mr. Haywood, might be caught cleaning down his own boat following the high speed passage of one or two towpath speed merchants. However, not all is doom and gloom it would appear as the burgers yes the burgers, (having said that I think there’s a better way of pronouncing it!) of at least one canal society, in this case the Chesterfield, have stated how wonderful it all is. At least it's not just us the long suffering boater who will be affected. No, It's going to be a bit of a struggle for our old friends; The Fishermen of England too. After all, they won’t be able to spread themselves all over the towpath once the, "Let’s see how fast we can get to Brewood from Nantwich" brigade, start doing wheelies over their ground bait.

Sadly they will have even less to smile about than they do at the moment. Hang on, did I just use fishermen and smile in the same sentence?

Well, that's my second gripe in as many days since joining the wtnbc. I shall keep it up until we boaters get the funding, the recognition, and the respect owing from BW and the like. I expect I shall be at it for a long time to yet!

If you would like to agree/disagree or respond to Mr. Angry or just have a moan too, please add your name, e-mail address and your comments in the box below. Thanks